Growing self compassion through writing
It was the summer of 2020. I just finished a heated conversation with a family member about differing perspectives around identity and power, and my body was shaking. The blood inside of me was boiling and my brain was spinning. I wasn’t proud of how I had spoken and I knew didn’t want to have another conversation like that. I began looking for new ways to communicate across difference. It took another year of heated conversations with more people – friends, family, and community – before I really understood the personal work I needed to do.
I enrolled in equity and inclusion courses, like Lama Rod Owns’ ‘Love and Rage,’ and Kerri Kelly and Michelle Cassandra Johnson’s ‘Race and Resilience Leadership Cohort.’ I took meditation, yoga nidra, and restorative yoga teacher trainings as acts of self care. I read 30+ books from authors in the mindfulness and race equity space to learn from experts. I tried to soak it all up. Yet, the most profound teachers and guides always reminded me that I already knew what I needed, it was a matter of going inward and listening honestly.
I began writing again as an act of self-reflection. I wrote down what was most present for me after my daily meditation. I wrote down my dreams in the morning when I woke up. I wrote down how I felt after practicing yoga nidra and restorative yoga. I got an all purpose journal to simply reflect about anything. I soon had four journals going at one time. Each one served a different purpose. I still have this many journals going at one time and cherish them!
I have journaled my whole life, not consistently (clearly) but with dedication since grade school. My journaling really picked up again in 2017 as an accompaniment to my yoga practice. Journaling is my therapy even when I have a therapist. It is a place where I witness myself the most authentically. There are a few things that keep me coming back to my journal writing practice. I am sharing them in case they are helpful for you too!
It keeps the mind and heart open. It is a place where I can dump my millions of daily thoughts. From coherent to incoherent thoughts, writing them down helps me to see them as thoughts and become less identified with them. After writing them down, I don’t have to carry them anymore, and I feel lighter.
It is empowering! I can write however I want to. I can explore different voices, formats, and styles. I can speak however I want and break free from internal voices I’ve grown accustomed to speaking in but don’t actually like. I can let my voice be big when reflecting on topics I might otherwise shrink my voice when speaking about in public.
It deepens a caring relationship with self. I can speak to myself. I write love letters to myself. I send notes to my future self. I can infuse optimism into my day through these notes. They are like little gifts I give myself.
It creates expansion and joy. I can be creative and imagine things that are outside the linear timeline I am often living within. I open myself up to possibilities that I might not otherwise grant myself in day-to-day life.
There is still so much I have to learn about communicating better with other people. Through writing I continue to learn how to compassionately listen and respond to myself. This self compassion slowly trickles into compassion for my friends, family, community, and world. I am a work in progress.
